CHAPTER SIXTEEN - Hot Tub Therapy

I had called home from the cell phone during our last gas stop, warning Kim to expect a friend for dinner who would likely crash at our place for the night before leaving for home the next day. I've been married long enough now that I know not to pop in with an unexpected guest if I could help it.

The smell of some kind of roasting meat hit me before we hit mid-porch, and opening the door to our home resulted in a deep inhale and slow smile on both our faces. Nothing like returning from a road trip, although a short one, and be greeted by a hot meal.

The greeting extended also to a warm hug and long kiss from Kim. After 25 yrs of marriage, we still enjoy each others company as best friends. I'm lucky in that way, but was quite aware of Lance's watching us. Knowing his happy home has slowly been shattered over the years, I broke away and went through the introductions.

"Nice to finally meet you, Lance." Kim paused with her hand extended while Lance dropped his bag on the floor and shook it. "You two go ahead and change out of your riding clothes, dinner will be on in ten minutes."

"Thanks. I could use a shower, too." Lance smiled his usual warm greeting and followed me upstairs to the guest bedroom. He seemed somehow restored. Back to his usual self, now that he had a mission to accomplish. I had to mention several times on our way home that my going along is not a done deal. Tonight is going to be a tough sell, but I had plans. Those same 25 years gave me an edge on how to approach this.

I got him a towel and showed him the way to the kid's bathroom, brushing aside some makeup and hair curlers left behind by my teenaged daughter, clearing a spot on the counter. I've long ago given up on the idea of keeping a spotlessly clean house for guests. If he wants a place to shower and crash, he'll have to live with our mess, too.

Kim met me in our room, with a look of concern on her face. We were in the middle of our private hug in our bedroom when she whispered, "How's he doing?"

"Hard to say. For someone who knows he's dying soon, remarkably well, I think." I paused to let that sink in. This was gonna have to be played just right. "Physically he's all right, I suppose. Mentally is something else. What's in the oven?" I wanted to change the subject while we were alone. I figured it best to let her form her own opinion from her own observations rather than hear my version. Sometimes if you plant the seed and let her come up with my conclusion, it helps. Kim leaned up against the bathroom door jamb and asked about the trip while I showered. That first shower in your own bathroom after a long ride is always wonderful. I'm usually a quick shower kinda guy, having been in the Navy and trained in bootcamp to get in and out in short order. Today, I lingered with the hot water on my shoulders, arm out bracing against the wall, while I closed my eyes and firmed up my plans for my talk with Kim.

I tried to keep the conversation on yesterdays ride, and the idle chit-chat of the long-married. True to my plan, I allowed her to bring it back around to Lance and told her the whole story about the cancer, the irony of his wife's battle with cancer, the emotional toll it was taking and without mentioning the cross-country road trip, let on that he was obviously battling his fears of dieing a lonely horrible and painful death without having achieved his dreams.

Usually, I don't like playing this game with Kim, but this was important to me as well. I then slipped in a thoughtful, near-teary-eyed concern over how I would want to spend my last months. I could see from her face that I was having an affect.

Dinner was informal as it always is here. Buffet-style, with the food still on the stove in its cookware. Grab what ya want, silverware is in the drawer, and go find a seat in the living room in front of the television. Lance had the courtesy of asking which was my chair, although it being the big overstuffed chair next to the remote, I would think it was obvious. I don't care how ill you are, that's MY chair.

Roast Beef and mashed potatoes, corn and rolls. Sure is nice to be home. I could see Lance looking around the house in between mouthfuls and had to imagine he missed this. Home-cooked meals and the company of a wife after a ride. I didn't envy his position right now in the slightest for many reasons.

Our afternoon and evening was spent out in the garage, unpacking, cleaning the bikes, sitting on the carpeted garage floor polishing chrome, and drinking beer out of the "old" refrigerator. I don't care how old it is, if it keeps a bottle of beer cold and is within arms reach of the Harley, it's a good friend. This was my territory and it was good to share it with a bud. Lance tried to lay out the road atlas, and I had to tell him that until I had the clear go-ahead, I had to put that out of my mind. There was plenty of time to plan a trip whether or not I go, but now wasn't the time.

A little after 8 o'clock, Kim came out and asked if we wanted to get in the hot tub. She wanted to hear about our trip. I figured the tub was the best place to broach the subject of a cross-country ride, too. She was well aware of my fantasy ride and knew I'd do it some day, but generally, now was not the time, with kids in school, a business out of my home and some of her own fantasies not yet realized.

"Sounds good" I smiled back at her. She's always up for some hot tubbing after dark. We don't often have company with us, but she sure does like to sit and talk in our tub. Without kids, or the phone or the TV, it was perfect for planning out our week and discussing problems. It should be something all married couples have in their backyards.

Lance looked over at me as I got up and headed for the garage steps into the house and asked, "Got a spare suit?"

"Naw, we don't wear suits." Although we sometimes do if the kids are still up, but since the two years we spent working in Yellowstone National Park in the 80's, we've gotten in the habit of not wearing a suit in the tub. Nobody wore suits in the backcountry hotsprings out there, and unless a guest objects, we still don't to this day. Besides, Lance was a good looking guy, Kim might enjoy this.

"I'll get you a spare bathrobe though", and disappeared into the house, leaving him to come in when he was ready.

We're fortunate to live in a quiet neighborhood, with a big back yard ending in a wooden plank fence to the north. The house buffers us from neighbors to the west and south, and a privacy fence I built blocks the view to the east. Our patio is tucked in a darkened tree-covered corner of our house with a great expansive view of the backyard and open views of the sky overhead. Just steps away from our back patio doors, its one of the things that I can credit with keeping our marriage alive. Where else can you lie naked with your wife for hours and just talk? It was great for conversations.

Changed into my big grey robe, reminiscent of some spooky Friar's hooded robe, I pulled back the insulated foam top of the hot tub, started the pumps and jets to do a last minute filtering, set out some ice water and draped the towels over our heated outdoor towel rack. Kim came down first and disrobed in the living room, slipping into the tub before Lance came out of the guest bathroom, her back to the door out of modesty I suppose. I joined her.

Our youngest daughter was sleeping over at a friend's house, so we had settled in to enjoy an adults only conversation, and a golden opportunity for me to put my plan into action. If all went well, we'd begin planning our trip right here in the tub with Kim's blessing.

"Mind if I join ya?" We heard the patio sliding door close and in the darkness Lance climbed over the side of the tub and slowly submerged, feet first and gradually deeper into the dark water. Not for any kind of exhibitionistic reasons, but because Kim likes the water hotter than hell, and it takes a few seconds to immerse fully without screaming out in pain. In a few moments, the body gets used to it and you can sink in up to your neck comfortably. Built for 6 people, there was still plenty of room, and he settled in on the opposite side of the swirling waters. We never used the underwater light, preferring the dark serenity of the steaming waters. The show wasn't lost on her though and she fell silent watching his entrance. I can identify with her fascination, having enjoy the views as her friends have joined us in the past.

"Like it hot, do ya?" He let out a long slow breath as his skin assuredly tingled with the onslaught of alarmed pain receptors.

"You won't notice in a minute, I assure you."

"Yeah, well, minutes have taken on a whole new perspective lately." He shot back - perfect timing. Let's get this show on the road!

Several of his precious minutes went by in silence, each of us with our heads laid back on the vinyl pillows molded into the edge of the tub, staring up beyond the overhanging branches on the edges of our vision into the deep dark of the sky, dotted with a blanket of stars.

My feet were jockeying for position without having to touch Lance's. Playing footsie with a guy just doesn't do anything for me. Kim on the other hand likes guys, so no telling where her feet were. Generally we do without the jets, preferring the still quiet of the hot tub at night. But with guests we usually leave them on out of modesty, the swirling bubbles obscuring anything below the water. And frankly, I didn't care much what was happening below the waterline - that's all free game - I was more concerned with making this trip happen.

"Man, it's been years since I've been tubbing. We had a tub on our back porch, too, but I sold it with the house after my wife died." I couldn't see his face in the darkness, but I could see his head was down in reflection. He went on, "I sold the house a few months after - too many bad memories, not enough good ones in that house. We'd just finished building it together."

What followed was some gentle prodding to talk about his story. His wife's cancer, his work, mostly Kim asking at first, but eventually it became free-flowing from Lance, almost as if eager to have a chance to discuss it again. This was Kim's first time meeting him, but even after a few days of hanging out with Lance, I learned more about his history as well. This went on for a half an hour or so.

Then with a heavy sigh, he said, "And then my world came to an end when the doc told me I had cancer, too." Silence followed. A painful, awkward silence that Lance thankfully broke with, "I've gone over my options, and they break down to simply, prolong your life with aggressive treatments that make you sick but won't cure you, or accept a shorter life in relative pain-free comfort until close to the end."

Kim knew the drill. She's been in the medical profession all her life and has seen this scenario played out many times. There were no 'But what if's', or 'Have they tried?', but an understanding of the outcome in any case, and acceptance of the decision only the patient can make for themselves. I knew that part was gonna be easy. She's practical in that way.

Before Lance got into his planned trip, I wanted to bring it all home in a personal way. "Ya know, I've been thinking of all the things I still want to do in life, and keep putting off because 'There's always time' is an option for me. But I suppose it's only an option until something like this happens to you, and then that option is stolen away from you. Really makes you wonder."

OK, so it was beginning to be a cheap shot, but this calls for drastic action. Kim was being silent, either on to my conniving scheme or deep in thought about her own dreams. I went on.

"Lance, if you were sitting in your hot tub two years ago unaware of your cancer and had a chance to think of what you wanted to do in life while you still could, would it have made a difference? Would you have done anything to make it happen, or waited for something like this to slap you in the face?"

Kim's eyes were closed, head thrown back on the edge of the tub, stretched out across the tub, with her feet up on the empty seat across from her.

"I dunno. Hadn't been in a tub since Natalie died. Doubt I even thought about the future much since then. Life has been a bit of a sleepwalk since. Hadn't even been with a woman since then."

Well, from my own observations of Lance in the short time I knew him, I knew this was bullshit, but Kim's head rose off the edge of the tub and looked at him. Out of pity I suppose. Or disbelief.

"We all have dreams of what we wanna do in the future, and never act on them until it's too late. Then they become regrets." He was doing perfectly, and I felt a little guilty of the manipulation. Still we carried on.

"What about you, hon?" I pulled Kim over to me, our bodies touching, dislodging her foothold on the opposite side. Her feet breaking the surface as she tried to gain balance, Lance artfully grabbed one of them to help steady her. I had already told him that when we go in for the kill, to be giving her a foot rub. She is such a creampuff when you're giving her a foot rub. Her audible heavy sigh, one of obvious pleasure, when he began kneading the balls of her foot gave me hope this might just work.

"Hon?"

"Uhhh, hmmmm… I suppose I would want to rent a cabin in the mountains of Virginia and ride horses all day through the woods." Her eyes were closed again, her toes breaking the surface in front of Lance as he pushed him thumbs in small circles over the bottom of her feet.

I glanced at Lance and put my finger in front of my lips in a "Shhh" gesture, and we sat silently for minutes while I allowed her mind to ponder that thought - her fantasy - in her head. I assumed that's the fantasy she was pondering.

With beads of sweat forming on my forehead from the hot water, I watched as she slowly brought her other foot up in a silent plea for more of the same, directly in front of Lance, her first foot sinking below the surface. An audible groan coming from her lips as he made the switch with her. "What about you, Lance? What do you plan to do, then?", she asked dreamily.

"Oh, I dunno", he said slowly, "Can't do many of the things that I thought I'd do. Not that I'd miss growing old, but I always thought I'd sit in a rocker on some front porch mulling over the trips and long rides I'd taken on Ol' Petey."

OK, we've begun. Let's not overdo it right now, Lance. Lets let that settle a bit. As if hearing my thoughts, he settled back and fell into silence as if in his own thoughts on the subject.

Normally, I would see that as my cue. But I remained quiet. I could see the shoulder muscles on Lance flex and ripple in the moonlight as he worked Kims foot, in response to her toes curling, arches flexing and groans we all heard over the pump, water jets, and bubbles. I always enjoyed watching her sink into this pleasurable feeling when I did her feet like that. Instead I lightly placed my hand on her thigh next to mine, still slippery from the moisturizer she rubs on before a tubbing, and lightly run my fingers over her skin. A different kind of groan escaped at the same moment.

"I know what you'd want to do." She said, turning her head in my direction. Well, right now with Lance rubbing her foot, who knows where her other one is at the moment, and the angle of her leg changing ever slightly as I caressed the inside of her thigh, there were quite a number of fantasies going on in my head. The least of which was the road trip.

"Am I being that obvious?" I smiled as I squeezed her leg playfully, feeling the muscles in her leg flex and straighten out in a rhythmic pattern. Not that she could see my smile, but she knew it was there.

"Not that", she pretended to be offended, "Your 'Fantasy Ride' cross-country."

I had often talked to her about my big ride. Sometimes even called it my 'Final Ride' before I gave up the bike for good some day. She knew that is my big dream, and has been for years.

This is working out perfectly.

"You'd pack up and ride out across country while you still could. I'd just be worried you'd be out there alone and got too sick to ride." She couldn't have fallen into it any better. Lance finally stepped into the conversation with perfect timing.

"That's it!" He said loudly. That was all he said. He said it with such finality and decision that it was apparent that's all he planned on saying for the moment.

I stopped rubbing Kim's thigh, she stopped moving her leg up and down. I reminded myself to ask her later where her foot was, and we both looked at Lance. "What's it?" we both asked simultaneously.

"I'm gonna sell all my shit, and go on my 'Fantasy Ride' off into the sunset." Well, I knew he already sold most of his shit, and had already planned this, but he said it with such conviction and finality, that Kim, I think, felt a little responsible for planting the seed.

"But you can't go on a ride like that… on a motorcycle … as sick as you are! At least you ought to go with someone!" God, this was perfect! She had withdrawn her feet from his lap, was sitting up, a little too far out of the water until she noticed and sunk back down a few inches, and now was on the verge of asking me to ride with him!

She turned to me and said, "Tell him he shouldn't do that alone!" I believe she really feared she had done a bad thing in suggesting a cross-country ride.

Before I had a chance to respond, Lance said, "My mind is made up. I don't have the luxury of dreaming about this until I am old and it's too late. I'm gonna go." He settled back down with his head on the pillow, folded his arms across his chest and smiled.

Kim looked again at me with alarm in her eyes. I looked back, raised an eyebrow, and said simply, "I'd do the same thing. I just hope I wouldn't have to find out I had Cancer to make my decision for me." I settled my head back and folded my arms as well.

Below the surface I had both fingers crossed. We were silent for a few moments.

Turning to Lance, Kim asked, "And when did you two plan on leaving? As soon as you made it look like it was my idea?"

With that, she leaned over to kiss me, smiled and stood up in the tub, turned her back on us, swung her leg over the tub, grabbed a warm towel off the rack and went inside. Lance and I just sat there dumbfounded. Me because she could see through us so easily, and he, I supposed, because she looks really good glistening naked in the moonlight walking away from us like that.

"Come on, let's go see if she meant that." I said as I stood to leave the tub.

"Uhhh, give me a few minutes, dude, can't stand up quite yet."

"You dog", I grinned back at him. "Pull the cover on the tub before you come in."

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