Dear Cuz,
I've been giving it a lotta thought, and the more I think (usually a problem) the more I have to consider that ol mikeyjackey could have been right. (See the previous Dear Muthuh Section)
Yeah I know I was one of 'em that hopped on the bandwagon to defend ya and all - but after watching this beautifull weekend go by with me riding only a depressing 30 miles or so, I came up with this idea. See, there's bound to be a lotta people like me that are quite sure there's a cosmic conspiracy to prevent us from riding. You know, the weather, the family, the roofs leaking, the checking account overdrew itself, always somethin seems to stomp our riding plans flat.
And what do we do then? Can't just go cold turkey. Nope, we go for the next best thing - we go get a Muthuh fix. That's right, you've gone and hooked a bunch of Muthuh addicts. Yep, we're junkies one and all. You're motorcycle methadone, Cuz! Can't ride this weekend? That's ok, just take a hit off the ol Muthuh pipe (and no, don't go there - it did sound a little "mikeyjackey" didn't it?) Yessir, if we can't ride, we just surf over to Muthuh's and it's like... Calgon - "take me away".
So, to cut to the chase, you're guilty. In our new society it's alllllll somebody else's fault, right? So what if you had good intentions, I'm pretty sure there's a class-action lawsuit here somewhere. Get me an ACLU lawyer, a liberal judge and the next thing ya know, I'm whining on TV. "It was so traumatic Oprah - We were ridin along with him and he doesn't even respect us enough to quit his job and ride full time for us." sniff - " We feel so left out and used" - sniff - " And what about poor, poor Lance?"
I tell you Muthuh we're like soap opera addicts having to wait weeks to find out what happens next. Is Lance gonna make it? Was he switched at birth? Is Muthuh the Fathuh? Is the real reason the Daytona story was short is because he fell in the fire pit? Or was that his long lost twin? Is 178 toward Brevard as cool a road as I've heard? Man we got burnin questions out here.
Other than a lawsuit, the only other solution I can come up with is - we gotta get you a government grant to ride all the time. We'll claim discrimination, dis-enfranchisement, or anything with a dis in it ( dis-ain't-got-enough-time might work if we say it fast with a Boston accent).
We'll claim you're doin' a study and form a focus group and, Cuz, you'll be home free. Maybe you'll get a government chase-van full of secretaries to do your typing and an aide to pitch your tent. Might even put ya in charge of entertaining visiting dignataries. "Gee, Mr President, it's not my fault that French guy fell off the Parkway."
Well, lets get started - you threaten a protest and a sit-in and I'll cancel the lawyer and start practicing - hmmm hmm - sing it wit me Mikeyjacky - "We shall overcome - Ridin off with Muthuh, we shall overcome!"
Sam
